How to Share a Bed
Sleep is an essential part of our well-being. That’s not all. A good night’s rest is also vital for productive days ahead and a happy mood. But you may not always get enough sleep when you sleep with your partner. It can be because they snore, or that they move around or kick in their sleep. While these things can disrupt your sleep, sleeping with your significant other is also beneficial. Let’s look at everything you must know about sharing a bed so nothing comes in between you and your sleep! Read on.
What Are the Benefits of Sharing a Bed
If you have a loving partner, sharing a bed is usually a given. But sharing a bed with someone also brings forth a variety of benefits.
Sleeping in the same bed as your partner can be intimate. Getting cosy before sleep almost strengthens your bond. But some health benefits of sleeping in the same bed as someone are;
- Lowers your blood pressure by releasing oxytocin.
- Reduces inflammation as the levels of stress hormone, cortisol goes down.
- It can strengthen your immune system.
If you and your partner have the same schedules, you can go to bed and wake up at the same time approximately as it can sync your circadian rhythms.
Increased happiness & energy
Sleeping with someone you love can enhance dopamine and serotonin production. So, when you share the bed, the levels of these hormones go up, making you happy and inducing good sleep. In fact, research suggests that when women sleep with someone they love, their sleep quality goes up.
Fall asleep faster
When you are alone, sometimes, you get lost in your thoughts. This makes it harder to sleep, of course! But it is not the case when you are sleeping with a partner. Why? Instead of the inner monologue, you can always speak with your partner, cuddle, hug and feel better. Yes, sleeping with your partner can be beneficial for your mental health.
Find the perfect sleeping temperature
It can make it difficult to sleep when it is chilly or cold outside. Now, the best temperature to sleep is 65 to 67 degrees Fahrenheit. But when you have a partner beside you, you can cuddle to keep yourself toasty and warm.
Get more restorative sleep and better sleep quality
When you share your bed with a partner, no we are not talking about sharing a bed with your ex, but someone you love, you never simply go to sleep. You can talk to each other for some time, listen to some music or even read together while cuddling. These are relaxation techniques, which can help you with sleep. When you sleep with a partner, estrogen levels go up in women, which can help sleep better. Even non-sleep-related activities like hugging or cuddling can help release oxytocin and serotonin, which is good for your mood or sleep.
Experience a strengthened connection
As aforementioned, sleeping with your partner, whether happily married or sharing a bed before marriage, can be super beneficial for your relationship as you have some time for yourself where you have uninterrupted time with your partner. This unfiltered time you have with each other is precious. It is an amalgamation of physical touch and emotions, which fuels any relationship.
Why Sharing a Bed May Be Difficult
In some instances, two people in a bed may find it difficult to sleep under the below-mentioned circumstances.
One of the main things that can interfere with your sleep is your partner snoring. In fact, according to research, sleep disorders can also adversely affect your relationship. However, one shouldn’t ignore snoring because it can be due to an underlying condition.
People should also keep an eye on snoring as it is one of the main symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea. It is a sleep disorder where your breathing starts and stops due to a blockage of the airways. If that’s the issue, there are treatment options, such as CPAP machines, surgery, and more.
Differing Temperature Preferences
When it is time for bed, one of the most common issues between partners is different temperature preferences. So, here compromise is the key. You can always find a middle ground so both of you feel comfortable and enjoy a good night’s rest.
Opposing Sleep Cycles: Early Bird vs. Night Owl
Did you know? According to research, if one partner suffers from an ailment, it can negatively affect the other partner’s health. In fact, in one study, 150 couples were asked questions where they spoke about the effects of the sleep-wake cycle on marital life. When couples have mismatched sleep patterns, they spend less time doing shared activities or conversations, and their intimacy quotient decreases.
Bed- and Blanket–Hogging
If you or your partner is a hogger, it needs to change. A tug-of-war involving your blankets and pillows in the middle of the night can be disruptive. If that’s the case, maybe separate blankets and pillows are in order. After all, a good night’s rest always comes first.
Uninvited Guests (aka Your Kids)
Sometimes, your children or pets climb up, ready to share a bed with you in the middle of the night. It can distract your sleep and lead to an unproductive day ahead. Having a set of rules may help.
Waking up in the middle of the night is inevitable. It could be because you need to pee or anything else. Whatever the reasons, it is essential to be mindful not to disturb your partner.
Calling It Quits
Sometimes when it comes to sharing a bed, only some are compatible. So, instead of disturbing your sleep each night, it is always best to call it quits and sleep in different bedrooms. You can spend time with each other on the bed and when it is time to sleep, you can go your separate ways. This is also known as sleep divorce.
11 Tips for Sharing a Bed with Your Partner
If you are sharing a bedroom with a baby, partner, or even a pet, there are a few things you must keep in mind before you proceed. These below-tips are best if you want to try the fine art of sharing a bed real simple.
1. Get a Bigger Mattress
One of the main constraints of sleeping together is the lack of space. For a couple, you at least need a queen or king mattress to sleep comfortably. However, the full or double bed is only ideal for a single person. That said if you need to co-sleep with your children and partner, a king bed is the best choice. Also, if you are wondering how to sleep with a partner who tosses and turns, a large bed is always helpful, so you are not disturbed. Let’s look at the measurements of the mattress;
- Single bed – 36 inches by 72/75/78 inches
- Double bed – 48 inches by 72/75/78 inches
- Queen bed – 60 inches by 72/75/78 inches
- King bed – 72 inches by 72/75/78 inches
If you are in the market for a new mattress, choose the one that fits you and your partner seamlessly. Some of the things you must keep in mind here are;
- Type of the mattress, such as memory foam or latex
- Mattress firmness
- Budget of the mattress
- Sleeping position
2. Solve Snoring Problems
As mentioned earlier, snoring can be a significant problem in couples. Sometimes, snoring can be due to obstructive sleep apnea or other sleeping disorders. With treatment, snoring can be combated. However, you can do a few things to ensure snoring doesn’t disturb you.
- Wear noise-canceling headphones
- Use a white noise machine
- Visit your doctor
If you are a snorer, you can try a few things.
- Sleep on your side, as that can keep the airways open
- Consult your doctor
3. Sleep According to Your Own Schedule
While it is always great to go to bed and wake up at the same time as your partner, not everyone has the luxury. Perhaps you have different chronotypes where one is a morning person, and the other is a night owl.
To make it simple, adjusting your sleep and wake timings as per your chronotype helps you proceed with an energetic day since it makes you feel well-rested.
You can sleep as per your comfort but together. Just be mindful of not disturbing one another. For instance, if your partner hits the sheets by 11 PM and you go to the bed at 1 AM, you can still sleep together. But when you get ready for bed, don’t disrupt your partner’s sleep.
4. Try Different Sleep Positions
If you want to dose off easily, the correct sleep position always helps because it keeps you comfortable. Now, chances are you and your partner will have different preferences and it’s okay. Maybe one loves sleeping all cuddled up and the other doesn’t. If that’s the case, you can cuddle before sleep and then move on to your preferred sleeping positions. The body language linked to sleep positions may give insights into whether the relationship is thriving or not. But that’s not the gospel truth. It can differ from one relationship to another.
5. Communicate with your Partner
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. So, this holds true even when it comes to sleep. If communication is missing, it can lead to anger, resentment and frustration. So, if you think my partner and I can’t sleep together, or there is an issue with the sleeping arrangements, or if something is bothering you, talk it out. While slight compromise becomes necessary to find the middle ground, it is easy. Some tricks you can opt for on how to sleep better with your partner are;
- If you go to bed early, make use of eye masks or earplugs to ensure you are not disturbed later
- If you don’t like cold temperatures, you can opt for extra blankets to keep you warm
Small tricks can help you on how to get great at sharing a bed.
6. Make Your Bedroom More Sleep-Friendly
Give your bedroom a cosy makeover so it mirrors an ideal sleep environment. Some tips you can try;
- Use light sheets since two bodies can generate heat.
- If you and your partner have different preferences regarding blankets, go your separate ways here. Having your own blankets ensures no pushing or pulling.
- Make use of technology to help you out with uninterrupted sleep, such as white noise machines, ear plugs and even eye masks.
7. Keep the Kids Out of the Bedroom
Having a separate bedroom for kids is always helpful. Yes, occasionally there are chances that they may want to sleep with you. However, it is not something you must encourage every night. Encouraging your children to sleep on their own bed is good for their sleep health and yours. It teaches them independence.
Also, if you have an infant at home, there are chances that you may want to cuddle and sleep with your little one. But you must avoid this as it is linked to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and can also increase the risks of accidents. Now, your infant must sleep with you in the same room for the first few months and a separate crib can be helpful.
Infact, if you have a furry baby who enjoys sleeping with you, ensure they have a dedicated sleep space and don’t end up disrupting your sleep. Also, you can invest in a dog bed if you consider it a comfortable solution.
8. Avoid blaming or criticising the other person
Blaming or criticising is never the right way to go about things. Instead, talk with a calm mood. Remember, your partner’s sleep disorders or tossing and turning are not their fault. It happens unknowingly. Therefore, if you are being disturbed by a particular habit, try to devise a solution together.
When you blame or criticise, it won’t help either of you; they may get more defensive or irritated. For instance, let’s say, your partner pulls all blankets at night. Now, blaming them first thing in the morning or disrupting their sleep is never the solution. If you are unable to sleep without a blanket, use another one. The following day, you can calmly talk things through.
9. Be compassionate and empathetic
If you are not enjoying a good night’s rest, chances are, your partner isn’t either. If you notice them tossing and turning frequently or snoring, it could mean that their sleep is not the greatest. So, since you are sailing in the same boat, you can put your heads together and devise an ideal solution.
10. Get to the root of the problem—and show your support along the way
Usually, health-related problems such as snoring is why couples find it difficult to sleep with each other. Snoring can disrupt your sleep. However, it is essential to get to the root of the problem. If you notice your partner gasping or choking for breath in the middle of the night, it can be due to obstructive sleep apnea. Therefore, consult a doctor and show your support.
11. Get creative with your solutions
In extreme cases, getting creative is always ideal. Maybe it is the erratic sleep schedules or a health issue, sleep divorce can be helpful here. Sleep divorce is when you sleep in separate bedrooms. Here, you are still very much in love with each other, but you just need to sleep separately due to sleep compatibility issues.
What if I Still Can’t Sleep Comfortably with my Partner?
When you cannot sleep comfortably with your partner, you can try the above tips to help you out. Some other tips include;
- Invest in a good mattress with motion isolation
- Opt for eye masks or earplugs
- Ensure you have separate pillows and blankets
- If your child wakes you up, take turns
- Try sticking to a consistent bedtime schedule
When it comes to sharing a bed, a slight compromise becomes necessary. However, you must ensure that you and your partner are entirely comfortable. Try the tips mentioned in the article and see what works best for you. When you sleep next to your partner, it can be good for your emotional and physical health. Therefore, give it a try. But remember, sleep is essential for mind and body to function adequately.
Why is sharing a bed so intimate?
Sharing a bed is an intimate act because it is not just about the physical act. When you share a bed with your partner, it helps you share your space. This is your personal time where you share conversations and simply hang out with each other. It can help strengthen the bond between you two.
How do you share a bed with someone?
The important thing when it comes to sharing a bed with someone is to ensure both of you have ample space and it doesn’t feel too congested. Then make sure the environment is comfortable for both of you so you are able to sleep comfortably. This is how to get great at sharing a bed.
Should you share a bed with your partner?
Sharing a bed with your partner can be romantic and intimate. But apart from that, it also offers a variety of health benefits, such as it can lower blood pressure and reduce inflammation.
How often do 50-year-old married couples make love?
While it differs from one individual to another, research shows that married couples who have reached their 50s tend to make love once every 10 days.
How often do married couples over 60 make love?
Again, it depends on one individual to another but almost 37% of married couples above the age of 60 make love once or more per week.
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